By
Carman
Dead Rebel Of The Week
~ Jesus Christ ~
Some call him a fictional character, some call him savior, some call him the Messiah, whatever the case… he was certainly a Rebel.
No other man has had more wars fought in his name, no other man has had such an influence over world thought, and no other man has a better marketing department... Not even Keeanu Reeves.
Hear is the super abridged version of Christianity:
Jesus Christ was born in a barn circa 2000 years ago. The Bible states that Magi (NOT "WISE MEN", AND IT NEVER SAYS HOW MANY) visited him at his birth and gave him some cool shit, like frankincense and myrrh. Not much is known about his formative years, but when he burst out on the scene in adulthood he became a street preacher, preaching against the grain of what was established at the time. Talking about God being a loving figure, and willing to forgive sin if we humans would just ask for it.
Then he made the mistake of claiming to be the SON of God.
Needless to say, this pissed off the clerical hierarchy in the synagogs around Judea, the place Jesus was hanging out in. It didn’t help matters much that he went into one of the temples and trashed the place. So the Rabbis got together and decided that he needed to go. For good. They got their congregation to hate Jesus and his talk of love and free will, and they even got one of Jesus’ own disciples to betray him so he could be arrested.
Long story short… The Romans couldn’t find anything to try him on, but crucified him anyway because they didn’t want the headache of the Jewish masses rebelling. But no one told JC he was supposed to die, and stay dead, so he came back and told everyone that HE will take their sins away, so no one had to kill the cute lambs anymore. Then he went to Heaven. Probably to have a serious talk with Dad (who now has a Dr. Phil understanding of the human condition).
After a while, Jesus's teachings got around and made their way to Rome, where the Roman powers saw all this shit as a threat, and subsequently fed anyone to the lions who followed His teachings. Then things went nuts. A certain emperor, Constantine (NOT Keanu Reeves), decided that HE was now a follower of Christ, and made it into an official religion.
If you want to know more, read a history book (or Grace’s atheist psycho rant on the subject).
What some people do not realize is that Christ himself was not a Christian per se, he was a Jew. He was referred to as a Rabbi, which means “wise one” or “teacher”. But it does not matter. Invoking His very name brings passion into just about anyone who has a kindling interest in the subject of his teachings, be it good or bad. Also, it seems to have become fashionable again to hate Christians, which I have already discussed in another article.
Either way, no one can talk about Jesus without mentioning the troubled times that followed in his wake, oreven insult someone who thinks they are a victim; "Get off your cross". Most curses, exclamations and blessings involve his name in some way. Jesus has had a huge impact on history, and on the life of just about every person in the western world. Everyone thinks about him in one way or another. Hell, some have even dedicated their lives to hating him.
So think what you want about him -of all characters throughout history, Jesus has made the biggest impact on the world as a whole.
The Man, The Myth, The Legend - JC
