Let's face it. All the good albums have already been released, a long time ago, and you were not even there to crack out on them the first time around.

In here OD shares with you the very best of the hard rock and metal classics.

Quiet Riot - Metal Health

Ahhhh yes, 1983. A motherfucking good year for Metal. Quiet Riot stands the recording industry on its collective ear by releasing it U.S. debut and it tops the charts at #1. The very first Heavy Metal album to do so. What's that? You fuckers in the peanut section are mumbling that QR ain't Metal? Lick my taint. Heavy Metal is an ever evolving beast, and twenty years from now the kids will all be scoffing that Slayer, Megadeth, and Arch Enemy ain't Metal. In Nineteen EightyfuckingThree QR was Metal. Sure, there were heavier bands around but for the most part they were pretty much underground, and not in the mainstream. Whether we like it or not, it's the mainstream that decides what a band is, as far as genres go. This was especially true in 1983. Not so much true now though. Fortunately, for QR, the mainstream embraced Metal Health... a pity that future efforts from QR were fucking dismal and that the mainstream turned on QR just as fast as they embraced them. Alas, I digress... this is not a pity party for the shortcomings of QR. This is a celebration of their finest hour. On to the tunes.

"I got a mouth like an alligator"... how prophetic. Kevin DuBrow did indeed have a huge mouth on him. The backlash from his motor mouth eventually lead to his involuntary resignation from QR and helped fuel the backlash that knocked QR's dick in the dirt faster than you could say douchebag. Metal Health is the perfect opener for this album. A rollicking song that brings a grin to my face still. Carlos Cavazos' lead break isn't anything to write home about, but it fits. This is a good song for future axe meisters to learn.

"Girls rock your boys"... the dreaded cover song. QR took a Slade song and made it theirs. Cum On Feel The Noize was their biggest hit, and another contributing factor in their downfall. Until QR did this song, Slade never garnered much interest in the States. After this came out, Slade had a pretty good hit with "Run Runaway" but was soon forgotten once again. Unlike Beppo, I am a huge fan of bands doing cover tunes, especially when they can add their own character to it and not just play some note for note rendition of it. QR did that in spades. Added character that is.

"Everbody wants to have a girl like you"... remember when ballads had balls? Yeah, me too. Don't Wanna Let You Go is a great ballad. Rudy Sarzo and Frankie Banali fucking own on this song. I am going to use this song as my personal soapbox for the quality of musicians that made up QR. Fuck you if you don't like it. For all the shit Rudy Sarzo takes for being a bass licking fag in Whitesnake, he can play a mean bass. This song grooves and moves thanks to that. Rudy was also in Ozzy's touring band for the "Blizzard of Oz" and "Diary of a Madman" tours. From the boots I have heard he did a great fucking job and the "Tribute" and "Speak of the Devil" albums back that sentiment of mine up as well. Frankie Banali needs no props; he is highly regarded by his peers and fans alike. Carlos Cavazos... he gets a ton of shit for being sloppy and overplaying. This song shows he can play with feel and emotion, and contains perhaps the best lead break he ever recorded. Carlos also had (and still has) a good tone, which is vastly underrated. Kevin DubRow wrote the majority of the songs, but I feel that the other members probably had more of a role than they were given credit for. Kind of like Mick Mars in Crue. Kev's voice isn't the strongest but it fits nicely within the context of QR, and even though he sounds a bit strained in Don't Wanna Let You Go I still can't imagine another singer trying to do it. Play this song in the company of your significant other and let things go from there. Guys, if you don't have her panties off by the end of the lead break, you are doing something wrong.

"It's got solid gold, hu-hubcaps"... oh yeah, I'm talkin' bout a Slick Black Cadillac!This song fucking RULES! Why this song was never made a single and video is beyond me. This is the hidden deep cut on the album. Everytime I hear it I feel compelled to buy a huge ass Sedan DeVille, blacker than Satan himself, and just be a pimp. For a special treat, find the version of the song with Randy Rhoads playing guitar on it. The credits say "K. DuBrow" but I will bet my left nut that Randy played a huge part in the writing of this song. You can't call yourself a Metalhead and not love this song. Another huge plus is that it's an absolute blast to play on guitar.

"Love's got me by the ass again"... this is not a ballad. Love's A Bitch is far too angry to be a ballad. DuBrows voice is a perfect match for this song. For anyone who has ever been dumped or shit on by a former lover, this song should be mandatory listening (I think that includes nearly everyone in the world). Nothing further needs to be said. Listen to the goddamn song.

"She takes my breath away"... Breathless is a borderline filler song. The best thing about this song is Frankie's and Rudy's pummeling rhythms. Carlos plays some nice harmonized leads, but other than that it is just... meh.

"I got a hurricane coming"... Frankie gets to really take advantage of that double bass drum here. I have heard other people diss this song as being a filler. Not so, this song is fucking Metal. A lot of the pop elements that made this album huge are absent from this song. Carlos gets to shred a bit, Kevin sings his balls off, and Rudy plays off it all perfectly. Run For Cover, motherfuckers, I'm a hit and run lover.

"weedly weedly weeeee"... Battle Axe was an attempt to showcase Carlos' guitar skills. Maybe they should have given him some time to play it cleanly in the studio. I have seen this done live and it sounds much better than the abortion they released here. It's not a bad solo (note that I said solo, not lead break).

Fuck it, I will go off on another rant here. I keep hearing lead breaks being called solos.

A solo is when one person is playing by themselves, not with other musicians playing at the same time. When the lead guitarist goes off in the middle of a song that is a lead break if the rest of the band keeps playing. Very few songs have true solos of any kind in them. Now you know the proper term. Use it.

"Wanna kiss your lips, not the ones on your face"... BWAHAHAHAHAAA!!!! Fuck me, this song is so cheesy it's like twin wheels of Gouda. Gimme some goddamn crackers to go with this cheese. Let's Get Crazy is fucking FILLER of the highest order, and the line I quoted is the most memorable thing about it. NEXT!

"Hello you, yes it's me"... I really don't want to say anything bad about this song. Thunderbird was writen in memory of Randy Rhoads, and as such it holds immense personal value to Kevin, Rudy, and Frankie. I'll just say I don't like this song, and let it rest.

As I mentioned earlier, Quiet Riot's fall from grace was swift and severe. The follow up album "Condition Critical" sucked huge amounts of ass. Spencer Proffer pushed QR in a more commercial direction and demanded that QR do yet another cover song. Another Slade song to be exact. "Mama We're All Crazy Now" was thus horribly recaptured. Combine that with Kevin's habit of running his mouth off worse than Nikki Sixx, and you had a prime recipe for disaster. The disaster was of epic proportions. The follow up to "Condition Critical", "QRIII", was even more commercial and was rejected even harder by the fans, even though "The Wild And The Young" was a great song of that album. Could have used a harder edge though.

Seeking to reclaim their spot at the top of the heap, QR fired Kevin and hired Paul Shortino from Rough Cutt. Nobody cared. Besides, that album blew such huge chunks I can't even remember the title of it, or even single song on there. Kevin may have been a mouthy bastard but he was the voice of Quiet Riot and the fans they had left wouldn't accept any other version. A couple of really bad clunkers were released after the Shortino album that I can't remember either. "Alive and Well" was a lie and ok at best, the real gem in the catalogue that followed is "Guilty Pleasures". That is the album that should have followed up "Metal Health" to begin with. But once again, QR self destructed and has managed to alienate most of the fans they had left.

Everthing considered, "Metal Health" still holds up well today. It's fun, it's loud, and today's parents will probably still throw a fit about a song called Love's A Bitch. Wait... We are the damn parents of today, and I know for a fact that we could care less. The next party you have, put on this album, cue up any of the quality tracks and watch the reaction. I bet you'll see a lot of smiles, bobbing heads, and people singing along like loons. Bonus points if you play Slick Black Cadillac and actually have one to brag about.

\m/_(>.<)_\m/

OD

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