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Unless you’re one of the lucky few born with a Sheffield spoon glued to your soft palate, you’ve probably had to work a few days in your life. Over the years, I’ve found that a job is handy to have if you want to, say, eat.
Having stuck with this working thing for quite a while, I’m proud to say that I’ve discovered the key to success and professional happiness: find the job that pays you the most for doing the least. I cannot stress the importance of this enough, and you’ll soon see that this is a recurring theme. Let’s call it The Credo. Embrace it.
My employment history has not been as varied as some. With my college diploma clutched in my booze-sodden fist, I picked a career path and stuck with it. I have never worked in the food or bar service industry, and other than a three-week stint during college as holiday help in a trendy apparel boutique, I’ve successfully avoided retail employment as well. I’m sure those of you with experience in these fields could regale me for hours with fantabulous lore packed with shock and awe. (And no, I really don’t want to know what you did to my hamburger behind that mysterious wall with the window in it after I yelled at you about the incorrect change. You take those Mickey D stories and run with them - on your own time.)
Still, I’ve held a number of bizarre positions and enjoyed a veritable plethora of psychotic co-workers and experiences. Discussing these with friends and associates never fails to bring echoes of recognition and similar tales of horror, so why not here, too? My greatest hope is that this will stimulate a “can you top this” exchange that will make us all, at least momentarily, thankful for the current jobs we have.
