It’s that exciting time of year again! What time, you ask? Time to get ready for Fabulous Fall Fashions! Trend-setters Carman and Lady Raine reveal what’s in style this fall...
DISTRESSED JEANS:
Made popular by such people as Justin Timberlake and the other jock bastards you see all the time. The pants pictured above were listed at $149 by Abercombie and Fitch. Damn, who would have thought that the pants I have had for 7 years would be worth THAT MUCH. Thank God I never wash them, EVER.
Yes, carefully torn jeans, NOT to be confused with plain old worn-out jeans, now come in even better versions. For the ballsy ones, new crotchless jeans are the coolest way to show your stuff:
They’re very comfortable, but I don’t recommend wearing them around pets that like to play with dangling objects. The face paint is IN only in Norway, though.
FOLLOW YOUR HIGH-PROTEIN REGIMEN
High-gloss lip color has become ever so popular, but ladies don’t realize they’ve been missing out on the full benefits of protein enhancement:
This fall, let‘em know what you’re all about with a new “secret formula” facial treatment. The dainty “white around the lips” look is out; the all-over cum dumpster look is in!
I am a makeup minimalist, and regret to inform you I have not yet tried this new look.
But the protein is good for you, honey.
It is also good for YOU. Why don’t you try it and tell me if it works?
Er, what’s next?
SKIRTS ARE FOR REAL MEN
The One Legged Pant is so fucking 80's.
What the fuck kind of shit is this? Are there people sitting around thinking up what stupid shit they can sell to people?
Why else would Studly McMuffin wear pink?
Be ahead of the group and get the THREE LEGGED JEANS!
If you spill coffee on one leg, there is ANOTHER leg, just waiting to be used. Or if you are “Rocker” Tommy Lee, you have a built in jock strap!
WHERE DID YOU GET YOUR BOOBS?
Perfect, rounded breasts have always been desirable, and now you can have them for a price. But if every girl on the block has the SAME perfect breasts, what makes them so special? Check out the latest trend in plastic breast surgery, known as the Franken-Nipple:
This brave breast enhancement allows you to express your own unique personality. You could either have Hannibal Lecter gnaw on your breast for a late night snack to achieve the desired effect, or just go to Tara Ried’s doctor.
Speaking of Plastic Surgery, the “Rocky Dennis” is THE it thing this fall.
HAWT!!!! That is ALL I have to say about that!
DOGS - THE LATEST FASHION ACCESSORY
Smoochie-poochies, like Paris Hilton’s pampered Tinkerbell, are so yesterday. Celebrities love to spend thousands of dollars on gold-plated pooper scoopers and designer doggie boots, but their dogs still enjoy a nice refreshing drink from the toilet more than a day at the spa.
Tinkerbell & Cunt Bitch, er, I mean Paris Hilton
(Ohmigod, she is so hot!!1!!11) Which one drinks from the toilet?
Blind, hairless dogs are the perfect compliment to your fall wardrobe. Take Snuggles shopping with you and see how many people stop to comment on how adorable he is! “What is it, a gremlin?”
Snuggles, the cutsie wootsie wittle doggie
I suggest checking inside the dumpster behind your local pound for this rare breed.
THICK SKIN IS NOT JUST A TERM OF ENDEARMENT ANY MORE
A great way to compliment your dog and your Prada goat skin hand bag. This look takes more than just laying in the sun on a sexy resort beach! Hours of tanning booths, and cartons of cigarets, are just a small step in obtaining this great look! So throw away your lotions and get down to it! That friendly solar furnace in the sky waits for no one!
Lady Raine cannot be reached for comment, I think she is having an epilpetic fit from laughing.
Well, I guess that sums it up for this season, Join us in March 2006, when we look at what is HAWT for spring.
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