My girlfriend and I love horror movies...

I myself am a horror purist; I like "Halloween 3" and I think "Psycho" is one of the best films to date. I guess I am more of a suspense person, because to me that is the logical place the horror genre should go...

So imagine my giddiness when I stumble across "Ankle Biters", a movie about MIDGET VAMPIRES!!! I almost creamed my pants with excitement, I mean, what can be more scary/suspenseful than MIDGET VAMPIRES? The little bastards can hide anywhere, they are non-threatening, and always funny....

Man, I was wrong...

"Ankle Biters" was filmed in the town of Iva, South Carolina, in day- time only, with locals in the starring roles. My only guess is that there is something in the water to produce so many Little People for the roles of vampires. It seems like it was filmed with a digital camera and the guns that are used are plastic. The special effects are non-existent, and I don’t know what the fuck is going on in Iva but it looked like an 80's time warp... One girl has crimped hair, another was wearing pegged jeans, and I thought I saw a mullet! The only way to know this was actually filmed in recent days is because of the kid wearing a Slipknot shirt....

This film seemed like just a masturbatory device to bring some small level of fame to a hick town, but the lowest point is when a detective, investigating the rash on ankles being bitten, knows where "The Garage" is. Not "Franks Garage and auto detail", but just "The Garage"... Another low point is when the hero, an obvious Blade rip-off (I thought about calling Marvel Comics, but decided against it), is fighting the Ankle Biters on a bridge, and a car going about its business approaches in the distance... then the scene cuts to an Ankle Biter growling, then CUTS BACK and the car is gone. It was as if they halted production so the damn car could pass ("Wayne’s World" came to mind, "GAME ON")!

I don’t have much else to contribute to this review, except... if you are from Iva, please slap the shit out of the makers of this film. With the same amount of money, they could have made another "PI" or "The Last House on the Left".

This movie was bad, and not "Story of Rikki" bad either.

I have lost more IQ points watching this than I could possibly have by chasing wild turkey with bong hits.

ANKLE BITERS

(2002)