An Infernal Sermon on Human Grace
"Wherever God erects a house of prayer,
The Devil always builds a chapel there;
And 'twill be found, upon examination,
The latter has the largest congregation"
- Daniel Defoe -
Why do you think Wal-Mart is a product of the bible belt?
Eh, I can’t even make inbreeding-jokes. Thanks, Adam and Eve, Noah, Abraham... (Sorry bunch of perverts.) Please, I digress.. go on, my Son.
The pride of all your creation are just a bunch of uncle-fuckers. Nice work.
Truth is that the most self-righteous among you have no interest in following the religion that you claim. Instead you use it as a form of moral one-upmanship.
You do not want to be faithful, righteous or just, without consideration for reward or glory. You just want to be perceived as such, so that you have yet another measuring stick to prove that you are better than those heathens, infidels, hippies, commies, liberals, Arabs - just choose your favorite out-group.
Eh, the Scientologists, I think. Maybe taking Hubbard on that space ride was a mistake, but for my next trick I will make Tom Cruise build a mountain of mashed potatoes live on the Today Show. I owe Matt Lauer one.
OK, maybe I will concede the point when it comes to the Scientologists, but overall...
If you believed as you say you do, you would be active in charities, out among the downtrodden, giving of yourself to others without judgment, and sincerely loving your enemies. But that is ridiculous, because you don't even love your friends, only yourselves.
And me, right? They love me, too, don’t they? I don’t get it. Are you saying they only go to Church to feel better about themselves? They are there to make me feel better! Who am I, Mother Theresa? I feed upon their praise, and these fools are leaving me starving here! Whoever told these lunatics that I work for them?
Keep working that angle, kid. I'm sure it will take off for you.
It delights me that those who are most vocal in condemning me generally do so in denouncing a cause that they are truly promoting.
The current war in Lebanon is a blast to watch on television. Back and forth they go like preschoolers in the backseat on a cross-country drive. Each taunting and tormenting the other, then wailing for all to hear about how they have been wronged.
I get all giddy when I see Arabs and Jews proclaiming that god is on their side in the "fight" for "peace".
Well, technically, I am on the side of the winner, so until the winner has been decided I am on everybody’s side. I admit it; there have been times when I put all my stock in the wrong horse – but I usually rectified things by committing a little harmless genocide and mass destruction to even out the odds. Nothing like a little flood to wash away the grief of a lost race. Especially the Human Race. By the way, you can’t beat the name I picked for myself for situatuions like these; “God” – or “I am”, to some. Doesn’t leave much room for misinterpretation and speculation, and really cater to most religions - unlike some other names I know certain someones to have. “Lord of the Flies” and “The Goat King”… You can’t really work with it much. There is no room for expansion. You need people in funny hats to do your promotion for you, kid. All the good bands deserted you.
The Stones > Stryper, and I know a certain overeating deity who is known behind his back as "Lord of the Fries", but we're getting off track.
Watching preachers denounce gays for their "sins against the word of god"; explicitly advising their flock to hate their neighbors makes me feel all warm inside.
Whoa, back the truck up! Gay people are a tad annoying, you know, and it’s not even the fact that they insert their shit-crusted genitalia in each other’s behinds that I have a problem with… it’s the fact that they try so damn hard to be gay. I can’t stand the over-acting and the big drama. If anybody’s the drama queen here it is I, God Almighty, remember? So all others… talk to the Hand of God. Plus, what you don’t realize, my Infernal Son, is that a little prejudiced hate never hurt anyone... much. With hate you either scare people straight, or scare them off the path altogether. Either way they need to face me sooner or later for either consolation and forgiveness or some divine justice. I win either way. Hoo-hoo! I have noticed, I’m sorry to say, that the only people that turn to you for advice and spiritual guidance are some... what are they... some damn pubertal Norwegian necrophiles. I am not saying that I have everybody on my side and that all you have is the Satanic Panda Club on yours, but… yeah, that is what I am saying.
Anyway, as Your Senility so nicely digressed from the point I was making, please allow me to hit the sermon home... Most of you know right from wrong without being told what to do. You also know that if you truly wanted a spiritual connection with god, you would simply start doing what you feel is right all of the time, and that individual relationship would not be dependent on anyone else, so you would have no need to force dogmatic beliefs on others, or to judge them. So why the need for any church at all? Because you really just want to be able to live a self-centered existence, and it is much easier to rationalize doing that when you can get other people to tell you that you're right.
You’re right.
Now who is this asshole Daniel Defoe, and do you think he’s on to us?
With God - our Lord, and Lucifer - the Morning Star
