Daddy Dearest
“Our fathers were our models for God. If our fathers bailed, what does that tell you about God? You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you. He never wanted you. In all probability, he hates you. This is not the worst thing that can happen.”
– Tyler Durden, “Fight Club”
1/16/06 21:59 GMT: The current world population totals 6,490,396,638. This number increases by over 6,000,000 per month. All of them bastard children sharing one deadbeat dad.
Ask yourself what society should do to a father who murders his children, encourages them to kill each other, abandons them to poverty and starvation, and threatens them with torture if they do not sing his praises in thanks for his neglect. If you answered that he should find himself contemplating the dropped soap that he dare not reach for in a prison shower, then you have proven yourself to be wiser, nobler and more just than God.
Don’t bother telling me about his “word”, or how, if we all follow it, he will save us from our misery. That’s just crap. Ever notice how some of the world’s most miserable people are also the most pious? There is no coincidence there. While they sit around praying to him and chanting their magic words, the rest of us have had the sense to get up off our collective asses and do for ourselves.
Guess who is living better?
In his study of Cross-National Correlations of Quantifiable Societal Health with Popular Religiosity and Secularism in the Prosperous Democracies, Gregory S. Paul recently found that, “In general, higher rates of belief in and worship of a creator correlate with higher rates of homicide, juvenile and early adult mortality, STD infection rates, teen pregnancy, and abortion in the prosperous democracies... The United States is almost always the most dysfunctional of the developed democracies, sometimes spectacularly so, and almost always scores poorly.” It’s just so Christian that it gives me goose bumps.
And it gets better. “No democracy is known to have combined strong religiosity and popular denial of evolution with high rates of societal health. Higher rates of non-theism and acceptance of human evolution usually correlate with lower rates of dysfunction, and the least theistic nations are usually the least dysfunctional. None of the strongly secularized, pro-evolution democracies is experiencing high levels of measurable dysfunction.”
See where devotion to his “word” will get you? “But,” you might protest, “the United States is the most prosperous country on earth.” Of course it is. I have had a foothold here from the start. Remember that this is a country that was founded by people fleeing persecution from the church. This is a country with a small elite class, and the jesus krispies are not the ones getting rich. They are living in trailers, screwing their cousins, and playing mailbox baseball for kicks on the weekend. By contrast, the only time Donald Trump sees the inside of a church is when he is getting married. Again. “What god has brought together, let no man put asunder." Good stuff.
This Father’s Day, get him something that shows him how much you appreciate all that your absentee daddy has done for you.
“Welcome to Wal-Mart. Father’s Day is June 18th. Soap on a rope gift sets are available in aisle six.”
