December 16th

"Pugs Rule"

By

Nona

You know what I love? My dog. He’s a pug. Pugs are the best breed of dog. They’re small, but not mean and loud like most small dogs. They don’t bark much. They’re not picky eaters. They have a consistently happy, upbeat temperament – I’ve never met a pug that bites. They simply don’t have a mean bone in their bodies.

They were initially bred to be a sort of court jester for the ancient dynastic rulers of China. They were also meant to be a kind of living works of art in honor of the rulers’ children – the furrows on their foreheads are supposed to form the Mandarin alphabetical character that symbolizes “Prince”. That’s not the same thing as that fucked-up symbol that Prince, the musician, used in place of a name for a few years there, though the sentiment is sort of similar. I’ll bet Prince is a “pug person”. He seems the type – i.e., strange. As a group, we tend to be a bit weird. I’ve met people who own pugs who seem normal, but those people are probably just better at hiding their oddness than I am. You have to be a bit on the odd side to fully appreciate these dogs, with their excess skin, crunched-up faces and loud respiratory issues. They can’t really run on the beach with you, pull you from a burning building, defend your home and property or even go around with those miniature brandy kegs hanging from their necks. They’re too low to the ground for that.

What they CAN do – all they can do, really – is love you so much that a look in their eyes as they gaze adoringly at you will convince you that a bright light shines out of your ass and your dog is the only one who can see it. “Don’t worry about the rest of the world,” a pug’s gaze reassures its “person”. “I know you’re a genius. It’s the rest of the world that’s ignorant. But don’t hold it against them. They don’t know any better because I haven’t had a chance to set them straight. I’m workin’ on it, though!”

Some people think that pugs are ugly. These people are idiots. A good pug looks like a piece of Chinese sculpture come to life. Open your mind to all possible definitions of grace, symmetry and nobility. Say no to big dog supremacy! Learn to see life the pug way.