December 8th

"Morose Me"

By

Carman

Every day I wake up and the first thought I have is, “This could be the day that I die”.

It may seem odd, and not many people experience that thought, but they should. What I do for a living is dangerous. I will not tell you what it is, because of all the e-stalkers I have (I love e-mail by the way!), but it puts everything in perspective. Death. This rumination goes back to when I first contemplated suicide at a VERY young age. I used to think to myself, "Fuck it, fuck them, and fuck this".

My thought process was that someone, somewhere will get satisfaction from my demise, and I did NOT want to give those people that gratification. Fuck them. Ever since then, that is the first thought that flows through my head every morning, and it runs through my mind throughout the day.

If more people thought more about this last day on Earth stuff, perhaps less of them would talk on the damn phone while driving, there would be no mid-life crisis, and people would live for the moment instead of day by day.