By
Skeletal Grace
Dead Rebel Of The Week
~ Dr. Seuss - Theo Geisel ~
1904 a great man was born…
… not in a field of corn…
… or with a Locktruff horn…
… like in unicorn porn.
No, he was born a man…
… a man with a plan…
… to write as weird as man can…
… if a man had a plan.
For Theo Geisel was on a mission,
a doctor with a vision.
Reading kids were his ambition…
…mentally beaten into submission.
Fever dreams of Wonkenrollers,
mushroom clouds of Ronkenwollers,
and tag-teams of crazy menagerie strollers.
Was he mad, creative or bi-polar?
Well, in ’54 he was challenged one time:
Write ONE book with 200 words that will rhyme!
His publisher said that kids’ books were boring.
“These are the words they should learn without snoring.”
And, so thus, he created “The Cat in the Hat”;
a tale of rebellion that’s set amongst brats.
Then in 1960 he bet 50 bucks…
… to write one book in 50 words that didn’t suck.
So he sat down to write his most fabulous tale,
a tale of a crazy breakfast sampler trail.
Yes Sir, you guessed it – T’was “Green Eggs and Ham”
Seuss cashed in his 50 – Wham! Bam! Thank you ma’am!
He wrote most of his books in a strong meter rhyme:
It’s two weak beats and one strong in sets of four lines.
(Anapestic tetrameter on the decline.)
Like this clumsy thing I just wrote to thus define.
See, Dr. Seuss was not really a doc…
An honorary title, just like Dr. Spock’s!
He hated all kids - they all scared him senseless.
Did he make up those stories to extract cruel vengeance?
What was so novel about “Green Eggs and Ham”?
What was so rebellious about Sam I Am?
What is in a story – what is in a name?
Well, Dr. Seuss really killed Dick and Jane.
Before him was a wasteland of gayer than gay;
gayer than the parade on Gay Day Hooray!
The story “See Dick Run” meant nothing to Seuss.
Miss Opium Madness seemed more like his muse!
He turned the world of books up’n’down on its head.
(At least for the kids, weirdest shit they had read.)
Box, Gans, Mikes, Pops and a Zumbler-Zay rat…
… or goats in a boat with a cat in a hat
Throw rings on the Gack with the Woller Bee Brush!
And count them in ones and in twos – see the Mush!
And look here comes the goat and his king on a leash!
For what is a king in the land of Goat Cheese?
It never made sense, but the kids ate it up.
Devoured the books like lush pups in a cup.
Revolutionized the concept of children’s books.
Wonka’s success was on Dr Seuss’ hook!
Dr. Seuss may be well known, but how about more:
Did you know Theo once won an Oscar award?
In most of his pictures no straight lines were done.
He lived to 87 - Died in ‘91.
So, for scaring a whole generation or two,
by his unique designs of some red fish and blue,
for infusing the kids with some wackier clues…
… a Dead Rebel award is just long overdue.
