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Professional Courtesy
By
Tim J. Vickers
Crazyprof@vaatstein.org
The Old Castle Research Institute
On top of the mountain
Vaatstein
Dear Simon,
Let me first offer my congratulations on your well-deserved appointment. Who would have thought that we would have come so far from the days when we were lashing together lightning rods out of rusty scrap metal. We broke new ground together during your studentship; they said we could never make a creature using parts from both animal and human bodies, but we sure showed them! The fools were proven wrong a thousand times over! Please accept my attached gift and use it wisely. Again congratulations!
Yours,
Vlad
Crazydoc@salstheim.org
The New Castle Research laboratory
On top of the mountain
Salstheim
Dear Vlad,
Thank you for your kind words and for all the help during my training. Thank you also for the gift, I can always use another hand around the lab!I attach the plans for the nervous system grafting we were talking about earlier. I think fresh donor tissue is the key, but the grafts aren´t taking even with a brain only twelve hours dead. Oh, well, I suppose I will need a few more stormy nights to solve this problem.I hope things are going well in the old lab. How is your Van Helsing situation?Yours,
Simon
P.S. My Igor sends his regards to your Igor.
Crazyprof@vaatstein.org
The Old Castle Research Institute
On top of the mountain
Vaatstein
Dear Simon,
Thank you for your letter. My Van Helsing situation is becoming ridiculous. There have been three break in attempts this week already, so the scorpion pit is getting very full. I really do not know where they get their energy. One even survived as far as the squid tank in the second antechamber on Tuesday. I suppose will have to get the builders in and upgrade the traps again. The plans you sent are interesting, particularly the composition of the neural growth medium. This could free us from our need for vampire bat extract, which is always far too expensive from the reliable suppliers.Yours,
Vlad
P.S. My Igor was wondering if your Igor had a spare forearm anywhere, he fell off a ladder last week and the old one is not healing as fast as he expected.
Crazydoc@salstheim.org
The New Castle Research laboratory
On top of the mountain
Salstheim
Dear Professor,
It was good to see you all at the conference last week. Your Igor was looking particularly pleased with his new double sets of thumbs. I suppose that must help with those fiddly little surgical tasks. I was however a little disturbed that you included our new formulation in your talk on “Novel nerve growth methodologies: breaking the shambling monster paradigm.” Although my data are very convincing, as you showed, I would have liked the opportunity to run some more tests before we went public with this. I tried to speak to you about this on the last day of the conference, but those drug company people seemed to be monopolizing you. I hope to hear from you soon.Dr Simon Caxrel
Crazyprof@vaatstein.org
The Old Castle Research Institute
On top of the mountain
Vaatstein
Dear Simon,
It is always good to hear from you. I trust you are well. Things are very busy here at the moment, but our work is progressing at great speed.Yours,
Vlad
Crazydoc@salstheim.org
The New Castle Research laboratory
On top of the mountain
Salstheim
Dear Professor Stuganoff,
I was amazed to see a patent application for our growth medium has been made by Nutrinta Organics. How did they get this information? This disclosure is extremely premature since this new method has not produced a functional creature! I warn you that my last experiment with a brain just three hours dead was a complete failure.I am very disturbed.
Dr. Caxrel
Admin@vaatstein.org
The Old Castle Research Institute
On top of the mountain
Vaatstein
Dear Dr Caxrel,
The Professor has read your letter but the master does not have time to respond.Yours sincerely,
Igor
Assistant to the Professor
De Plume@salstheim.org
The New Castle Research laboratory
On top of the mountain
Salstheim
Dear Professor Stuganoff,
As a trustee of the Baron Verner Memorial Lecture I would like to invite you, as an innovator in the field of creature development, to give an address to our institute. Although you may not have previously heard of this event since we have only been in operation for a very short period, this is an extremely prestigious lecture. Many leading members of our community will be attending, so your talk should be 30 to 40 minutes in length, aimed at a non-scientific audience and it should lack any particularly gruesome images.The terms of the trust include both travel expenses and a speaker fee of two hundred drachmas.
I look forward to seeing you here in Salstheim on the 17th of September.
Yours sincerely,
Maxwell De Plume
Crazyprof@vaatstein.org
The Old Castle Research Institute
On top of the mountain
Vaatstein
Dear Mr De Plume
I would be delighted to give the Baron Verner Memorial Lecture. The title of my talk will be ¨Cadaver rejuvenation science - reaching out to the wider community¨.
I will be arriving in Salstheim early on the morning of the 17th.
Yours sincerely,
Professor Vladimir Stuganoff - PhD, BSc, CChem, MAd
Crazydoc@salstheim.org
The New Castle Research laboratory
On top of the mountain
Salstheim
Dear Editor
I wish to submit to The Journal of Creature Development a study on a novel human/reptile hybrid which has recently been developed in my laboratory.
This creature contains the core of a human nervous system within the body of a giant lizard. Unfortunately, vocalization is incompatible with reptilian anatomy, but with appropriate electrical stimulation the creature can be motivated to perform simple tasks and navigate mazes.
If you choose to accept this paper, I would like to dedicate it to the memory of the late Professor Vladimir Stuganoff, who has made a most vital contribution to this project.
Yours sincerely,
Dr Simon Caxrel
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