The Hypocritical Mass
And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye,
but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
Or how wilt thou say to thy brother,
Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye;
and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
Matthew Chapter 7:3-4
I will be the first to tell you that I am not a Bible Scholar. I don’t know everything, but first I have to be proven wrong to admit I am. So... what does that have to do with anything, you ask? Simple. There is a preacher man out in Colorado who snorted meth off of a gay man's dick. He also stood up against gay marriage. Hmpf I say. It should not surprise any of you reading this that I think this self righteous son of a bitch had it coming. No, I never met him, and, no, I don’t care. I wish nothing but the best for his family, and feel sorry for his wife who was oblivious to the fact of what he was up tp behind her back.
“Oh, Carman, you are jumping the gun, nothing has been proven.”
True, nothing has been proven, and yes, I am judging. I realize that I have kinks, but snorting speed off of a dick is NOT one of them. So I will cast my judgement as I see fit, thank you very much. Better duck, motherfucker.
What I am disappointed about, really, is that people are in a big ruckus over some fags who want to get married. I don’t see the problem. It doesn’t affect me in the negative that I can see. I don’t see how it is hurting my Christian way of life, my privileges as an American, or my right to own a gun. Is it really that big of a deal that gay folks want to live a normal life? I don’t think so, and I will say that some children would do better in a household with two gay parents who are monogamous, than living with their biological parents who are abusive. Tell me I am wrong, I fucking dare you!
“Carman, if they wanted to live a normal life, they would not be gay!”
True, it is a choice, no one can convince me otherwise. But do you hate the guy that digs fat chicks? Or the chick that digs slender guys? Well, I do, but I have a license to hypocriticize at will. Anyway, these gay people also have a “type” - it just happens to be the cock or the muff. Nothing more. No big deal. So when people speak out against them marrying, it is usually people who use the backdrop of religion as an excuse for their own insecurities.
It’s laughable.
So I did my part, today on the 7th of November, 2006, and set out to vote. I have decided that most young people don’t give a shit about politics, and all the old people must have voted early, because when I got to “the polls” at around 4pm, it was dead. Tumbleweed and shit rattling around the place. I guess if it is not the president, people don’t care. I am not one of those people.
Well, sure as shit, gay marriage was on the ballot, in this form.
Must Article XVII of the Constitution of this State be amended by adding Section 15 so as to provide that in this State and its political subdivisions, a marriage between one man and one woman is the only lawful domestic union that shall be valid or recognized; that this State and its political subdivisions shall not create, recognize, or give effect to a legal status, right, or claim created by another jurisdiction respecting any other domestic union, however denominated; that this amendment shall not impair any right or benefit extended by the State or its political subdivisions other than a right or benefit arising from a domestic union that is not valid or recognized in this State; and that this amendment shall not prohibit or limit the ability of parties other than the State or its political subdivisions from entering into contracts or other legal instruments?
Now comes the way I can shake up the system founded by W.A.S.P. landowners 230 years ago. I vote NO. I know how to speak Legalese somewhat. And you have to be an idiot to not understand the general idea anyway. I especially like the "however denominated" part.
I also voted to raise taxes and against more money to the schools, because I am a dick like that. That is why I love America. I CAN be a dick and not get executed. Which brings us full, circle, back to the religious zealots. The ones that want to ban gay marriage and anything non-Christian. These people feel guilty for their own perceived sins, and have to make others feel guilty about theirs. Have you ever seen a grown man naked? If you answered yes, you are a dirty faggot and need to DIE!!! ARRGGGGHHH!!!
So this preacherman’s name is Ted Haggard (great name, by the way), and has owned up to his sexual immorality. He was, of course, immediately fired from his post at his mega-church, no longer able to spread the gospel. Which translates into: no longer allowed to make money by leading the foolish into his bank account. He probably has enough money anyway.
The only thing I am disappointed about is that the one preacherman I want to fall has yet to take the plunge. Rod Parsley has recently been motivating youngsters to vote, and find Christ - all in the same day. It amounts to him getting kids to vote his way... more simplified; it means that there are X amount more Rod Parsley votes. Goddamn, I would love that kind of power. Darth Vader would be ruling the country by now.
Rod Parsley is too smart to let something like a scandal get in his way, though. This cat either belives what he is saying, which I doubt because he owns million dollar mansions and a private jet, or he is just a Randian Capitalist. I am going for the latter, but I wounder what aunt Ayn would have to say about people of his ilk.
These folks also have nothing better to do than to go protest things like gay bars and abortion clinics. I think I know where the 4% unemployed in the USA are. One time a porn store opened up in my old town, and there were people protesting there, too. I walked in there, talked to the dude behind the counter, and got a bag full of empty boxes. I walked out with the bag and shouted “HEY, LOOK AT THE GREAT DEALS I GOT!!!” I thought I would be crucified. Instead I was spit on. Not the first time, and certainly not the last.
Fuck’em if they can’t take a joke.
I can tell you about the backlash of that protest, but I won’t, at least not all of it. I will tell you that the place got shut down, and my grandma caught wind that it was me. Some of the protesters went to the fabled church I attended with the old bat. I told her about it when she asked, but she just gave me a look. THAT look - the one that only grandmas can give.
Anyway, I thought it was funny, and that’s all that matters in the long run, isn’t it?
