Jogging With a Spoon - 14
featuring The Weekly Zombie Report
I was recruited to be a door guy at the ANARCHYMUSIC.NET ANARCHY MUSIC FEST! It went off pretty well. The first things that went through my mind, when first approached about it, were copious amounts of free beer and tits. Turns out, I was taking money from kids and smoking like a chimney all night instead. To the club owners’ dismay. I had my buddy there to keep me company, though. The promoter, actually. We had about 30 extra tickets left (out of 300) so I was tempted to go sell them to the homeless, but realized that they have no money; that’s why they are homeless. Someone needs to take care of that problem.
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The Lady and I were at Ryan’s, having our weekly people watchers meeting when the topic came around to Zombies. I told her that if she was ever bitten, I would not hesitate to “clean her up.” She started to LAUGH at me! Bitch. I am now black balled from Ryan’s.
I figure I should just keep quiet about these things. It kind of makes me feel like a superhero, in a way. Of course I am not Batman, but maybe a Scourge or something along those lines.
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At work, some shit went down. That mysterious martial arts Joker girl was caught fucking that creepy dude with the pictures of that young chick! Oh, my damn, that was some funny shit. It happened RIGHT IN THE FUCKING OFFICE BUILDING! They were caught when the chick, Rachel, started to scream in pleasure. I heard it from my cubical (which I call “The Cave”). All of us office drones crowed around the creepy dude’s office and it sounded like a damn porno in there. I’ll admit, I got some chub. Just some, though.
The Boss came storming up and knocked on the door, then kicked the damn thing in. You kids are going to have to use your imagination on this one. Needless to say, they were both fired on the spot.
Frankly, I’m glad that creepy fucker is gone, he always made my skin crawl.
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I am currently listening to Dio. The best damn rock singer in the history of the genre. I once almost stabbed a guy because he said Ozzy was better in Black Sabbath than Ronnie James. Motherfucker, he’s damn lucky I was not harnessing the Power of the Rainbow. Calm down… It’s not as gay as it sounds.
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I just beat The Legend of Zelda - Twilight Princess. Let me tell you folks, that game was fucking LONG! It was EIGHT fucking hours of game play before I got to the first damn temple. After that I said fuck it and bought the damn Manual. It didn’t help, I clocked 36 hrs on that game. 36! But it was not worth it in the end. I couldn’t go back after I beat the game and finish some of the side-quests that were available and I had passed up on earlier. I mean, come the fuck on! I want my damn hook shots as soon as possible, not on one of the last damn temples. Bastards.
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The Weekly Zombie Report
Well, there hasn’t been much on the home front, but I am fairly sure the lye will work for what I need it for. Here are some scattered stories that caught my interest, though. Some from the southwestern U.S.A.
BOULDER — Tom Watson Park, located at 6180 N. 63rd St., has been closed until further notice pending results of testing for bubonic plague. An area on the west side of 63rd Street below the Boulder Reservoir Dam also has been identified as an area of concern and will be tested.
DENVER -- Plague has been confirmed in a dead tree squirrel in South Jefferson County, making this the sixth case of plague found in Colorado rodents in the last week. Last week, state health officials confirmed that plague had been found in four dead squirrels and one dead rabbit. All of the animals were found in or around City Park and near the Denver Zoo.
FARMINGTON — State health officials confirmed the first case of human plague in nearly 10 years in a San Juan County man. According to the New Mexico Department of Health, the 49-year-old unidentified man was infected with the septicemic plague, which is an animal-transmitted bacteria that made its way into the blood stream.
This is NOT good news, kids. It proves that there will be an outbreak! The Virus cannot live inside animals like it can inside humans. Don’t ask me why, because I don’t know. But you can’t be afraid to grab the bull by the horns and take down an infected when you see one. ALWAYS be prepared. My encounter with a ghoul has proven this to me. If you can stop the outbreak BEFORE it happens, you will be an unsung hero.
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Carman, out.
