Jogging With a Spoon - 12
featuring The Weekly Zombie Report
I don’t even know where to begin this Spoons. Hell, I don’t know what the fuck number I am on in the saga of I, Carman. I guess I should get started though. First thing's first.
Some new people on the site... Some gone... What the fuck? That is my question. I don’t even want to mention names, because the bitch will use it as a pity party. Hell, I shouldn’t even waste bandwidth, mentioning it, but I will. Actually, no, I won’t. I will mention the new guy, though. He seems a lot like Pat Bateman. But then again, I seem like a loon to people that don’t know me. It’s weird. Sometimes I am told I am talking to myself about myself. I tell people I am arguing with Angus about how cool Carman is. They don’t know who Angus is, but I will tell you all. He is my alter ego. Take that however you will. I am not even sure how to deal with it, myself
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Yes, I have often wondered what the world would be like if it were like a porno film. Here is a list in no particlar order.
A condom would magically appear, like a sheath of protection, right after cunnilingus. No fiddling in the dark, trying to open the damn pouch.
There would be no crime. And if there was, the penalty would be SEX anyway!
There would be no ugly people (except Jill Kelly).
There would be no children. All girls would be 18 and fresh from the land of magic called High School. Or maybe still in it! YEEHAWWW! There would also be no war, famine, AIDS, pregnancy, STDs, or anything that weighs on the minds of rational human beings. But I never claimed to be rational. I brought this up to The Lady, and she said there would also be no Girlfriends. I took the hint and agreed, but I still thought up some more things:
The way that spouses get revenge on cheaters is by JOINING IN!
Cum is also an aphrodisiac for women.
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I live by The Word. The word is Harbinger. I thought it was pronounced har bing er, not har binjer. But, I am an idiot.
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Movie Mayhem will be coming back sometime in the near future. I just recently got NetFlix, so I have every movie at my disposal. Also, I own some that need reviewing. Just not now, because I am lazy.
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I have been listening to Metallica a lot the past few days, and it is my opinion that they went to shit after "Load". I think I am one of the few people who actually enjoy this album.
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The Weekly Zombie Report
This past weekend I am doing some Sunday work by the Catholic church. Guess who I see? Nope, not Gene, but the same bitch that I mistook for a zombie and she is staring at me. She is wearing all black and it gives me the creeps.
Later on that evening, I see her shuffling down an alley during my nightly Ghoul Patrol of my living area. Guess what happens? She REACHES FOR ME as I approach her to see if she is up to some sneaky zombie shit! I step away in horror and surprise, and a guttural moan comes out of her mouth. Now, I have never actually killed a real zombie before so I run instead. After calming down a little in Casa Carman, I realize I have to execute some Zombie Control. It is, after all, up to yours truly to keep our streets clean until all of you are on the same page as I am on already.
Well, I will put my Old Timer in her eye as deep and hard as it will go. At an upward angle of course, to hit the brain. She will go down like a sack of potatoes. I am going right out after writing this, and hopefully I will get my first notch in my belt. I am a little spooked, but I will do it for you.
I am only the first line of defense, though, so you all have to get ready!
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Carman, out.
