I hate people – Part 5
"The New Age Witch, A.K.A. The Wiccans"
Oh sweet baby James, look what I found while trolling Myspace harassing people I used to know back in the day.
No, it’s not Aragorn, it’s a male Wiccan! Fucking faggot. God I hate these new age self righteous vegan bastards. Wiccan, first off, is a WOMAN’S religion. They worship a woman, pray to a woman, and all they talk about it peace, love, and kindness. Modern hippies! If you want a MAN’S religion, seek out Odin, God of War and Knowledge. The tough prick gave his eye for infinite wisdom, had to be crucified, and to top it all off, got a spear in his side from his adopted son, Loki.... WAIT A MINUTE!!! Grace, is everything I know wrong? (I bow before your infinite wisdom, Carm... / Grace) Hrmph...
Anyway, talk to a Wiccan, and you get something along the lines of...
“Wicca has been around for eons of time. Witchcraft is older than any other organized religion. Mother Gaea gives us life, we should respect that and all her creatures. If you want, you can join us in our meditation.”
Wicca is a fad religion that was started in the 50's by some creepy bastard, probably looking to get laid.
A male Wiccan is, therefore, either looking to get laid, or is gay. Seriously, can YOU think of a guy that actually believes that crap? If you can, tell that guy that he should be castrated like cattle to fully enjoy the spiritual experience.
If you REALLY want to impress the Wiccan girls, you have to be different than the typical run of the mill pantywaste pieces of shit that they see everyday. You have to know something darker, but at the same time realize that if you get found out as a bullshit artist, the jig is up! So always be very cryptic in what you know. The key is to SOUND like you know what you are talking about. It also helps if you browse at unreliable wikipedia.org for some useless info on the subject.
The fact of the matter is that nothing is lamer than someone trying to be different than what they are. Wiccans are mostly females who are trying to either:
A: Piss off their conservative parents, or
B: Trying to be cool by being different.
Either way, it never works because the religion isn’t destructive enough to cause any waves, except in the Bible Belt, witch shouldn’t count because they get pissed off over PG 13 rated movies there. Pun intended. Besides that, after the initial upset wears off, no one seems to even care anymore. It’s like being upset that your kid wears mismatched socks to a chess club meeting. It’s equally gay and harmless.
Wiccans are generally fat chicks, but even some skinny ones have been known to slip through the cracks - but they are ALL ugly. Every single one of them. Wiccans seem to want to hide their affiliation, but will still make it a topic of any conversation. Listen, bitch, I would rather ram a rusty nail through my dick than hear about The Goddess one more fucking time. Wiccans tend to purposely have weird things at home, like tarantulas and shit. Why would anyone want Shelob as a goddamn pet? For that alone they deserve a good smacking.
What I think is that Wicca is the go-to-religion for bitches who are too fat too run away from home, too ugly to have a steady boyfriend, and also for the guys who are desperate enough to want to fuck them. Unfortunately for the sorcerers a Wiccan girl will NOT fuck a Wiccan guy, just every other guy that comes their way. Mostly atheists. But not the kind of atheist our resident psycho atheist Grace is. No, he puts at least a scrap of thought into his reasoning. The Wiccan bitch will fuck the atheist that thinks it’s cool to be an atheist, just to show him the way. It just works that way, kids.
Somehow, those bitches are able to tell almost instantly a real atheist from a wannabe atheist. And they don't want to do nice Christian boys either. So if you are a normal desperate guy, aiming to get laid here, it will soon enough piss you off to no end that you are not even getting a hard on, talking to this bitch. Subconsciously you know your semen will be more useful murdering millions of your unborn children into the toilet bowl instead.
Wiccan women are bitches, and the only difference between a bitch and a whore is that a whore will fuck anybody, but a bitch will fuck anybody but ME! Have a nice life ya fucking cunt.
Until next time....
Spooky!
“Would you believe that THIS mullet is one of the most powerful practitioners of sorcery, second only to Raistlin Majere himself?”
Wiccan Chique
Wiccan McDonald - just out from the asylum and dying to get laid
Our Ouija Board broke
Gender confused witch with a nice sword
