Comic Book Worm
I love comics. Specifically Batman. I always saw him as a tragic character, a loner who is just as sick as the criminals he fights. I also like The Punisher for the same reason. Now I may not know all my comic lore like some other people, and I can give a fuck about Moon Knight’s history because I just see him as a knockoff of Batman anyway - but I really do love comics. Fucking sue me.
I look at it this way. People who make fun of the comic nerd probably never sat down to read one, since they were to busy “with the three B’s, dude; Beer, Bongs, and Bitches”. Well, I had better things to do when I wasn’t getting stoned and getting laid (Note from Editor: Carman, this is us... Who the fuck are you kidding here?) Ok, when I wasn’t getting stoned then. Instead of practicing locker room sodomy I was actually exploring my newly expanded mind, and found many universes chalk full of the most fascinating characters.
You see, comic books are an art form. It takes talent, patience and good story telling... You have to keep a person’s interest in your book until the next one comes out, which is SUPPOSED to be once a month. And the good ones have adult themes, but children can read them too. If they are clever about it. And they are. Take Bone, by Jeff Smith, for example. The story spanned 13 years and 55 issues. It was almost Tolkien in a sense that The Bones had to save the world from a dark lord, help a king in exile, and make their way back home. I have no way of describing this story, so just go read it. The thing is, this book was an indie book, Nickelodeon wanted to make it into a cartoon, but would have fucked it all up. They wanted children to do the voices and pop songs in it. Jeff Smith refused to sacrifice his art for any cash.
Another one is The Watchmen, by Alan Moore. Reading this book is like watching a movie. I could not put it down. It is about what length a superhero will go to to save the world. Everyone in this book is mortal, except Dr. Manhattan, who is a real hero in the fantasy sense of the word. This book was based on characters from the Charlton Comics that was bought by DC years ago. But DC did not want to use any “real” heroes, because it would fuck up the continuity so Moore just based The Watchmen on those, instead of making them the characters (check out #52 - OUT NOW! - and tell me how it is, because I can’t afford it).
This book won the fucking Hugo Award for Christ’s sake, the ONLY comic to do so.
But there are some folks who see Comics differently. These people see them as children’s devices, things to line the bottom of the bird cage, or to start the burn pit with. These people also thought Road to Perdition and American Splendor were good movies. Guess what, THEY were also comics before they were ever films. So was History of Violence and V for Vendetta. Which is ANOTHER thing I must get into now.
V is being considered anti George W. Bush, which is amazing considering it came out 20 FUCKING YEARS AGO! I find it fantastic that a story can be as relevant now as it was then. Which, coincidentally, is the mark of a good writer period, ALAN MOORE!
But I am not here to swing from his hairy nut sack. Let me just say that the movie ripped off my Project Udo image with the burning London skyline. Fuckers.
What folks need to realize is that a lot of work goes into creating a comic book. It writes like a film script, but you don’t pay actors. It reads like a movie, but it is MUCH cheaper to buy. They are one of the very few things I take seriously in this world. It is a book, with all its plots, characters, twists and turns – but accompanied by beautiful art to heighten the reading experience.
If I could, I would blow my whole paycheck on just comics. But I cannot, because those filthy Jew dogs called “The Electric Company” and "The Phone Company” and “The Landlord” all want their goddamn money. And I really don’t feel like living in a shitty Ford Tempo, packed full of comic books, with no heater or air conditioner. So next time you are by the comic shop, stop in and look around for something that may catch your interest, and talk to the comic book guy. He knows. But if he thinks that The X-Men can beat The Avengers... he doesn’t know shit.
