Satanism, My Ass!
by
Carman
This article is a reply to Dark Entropy's article, "An Introduction to Satanism"
So, the other day I was looking at my super cool funky fresh guest page, where my fans can leave comments, and one (obviously fat) Wiccan told me to go pick on some Satanists. Well, the good people at www.deadrebelsociety.com felt that since this is a fan site, where ANYONE can contribute (INCLUDING to PROJECT UDO! – send me your shit!), they saw fit to enlist a Satanist for our 666 special. Go here to read what that person has to say in his submission.
I take issue with some of this stuff. Now, I am not the type to tell heathen scum what deity to worship, if any, but I am the type to call someone out. And that, dear readers, is what I am about to do. I assume you read Dark Biped's article by now, but for those slower kids that did not, I am going to quote fragments that fit my logic, because, after all, my logic is flawless.
(All quotes in red are from Dark Misanthropy’s article.)
“Let me start with the modern approach to Satanism. For the modern Satanist there’s no God, nor is there a Satan. They simply don’t exist - they never existed.”
So that begs the question, why call it Satanism period then? OH SHIT, IT’S EXPLAINED, kind of, in the Nine Satanic Statements (not found in this person’s introduction to Satanism, BTW). FUN FACT: I am NOT going to link to their fucking site, OR give you fine readers the nine actual Statements, but I will break it down for you - you can trust me on this.
1. Satan represents promiscuity
2. Satan represents Survival
3. Satan is a friend for Finding Useless Carnal Knowledge Inside Native Geriatric Locks Of Sumerian Enigmatic Rotting Scrolls.
4. Satan represents kindness (?)
5. Satan represents Revenge, unlike God of the Good Old Testament who turned a man’s wife into salt for turning her head the wrong way, and gave to Egypt 10 plagues.
6. Satan represents responsibility to the responsible instead of concern for things like Pennywise the Dancing Clown.
7. Satan represents dirty hippie vegans, and does not understand that beef tastes good.
8. Satan represents hedonism, which leads to sloth, gluttony, and greed.
9. Satan has been the best friend the Catholic Church and its offshoots have ever had, as he has kept them in business all these years!
There it is. The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the goddamn (HA) truth. He forgot to mention all that shit in his article.
Then this cat goes on to say....
“Still, we have an almighty God who never gave his followers the schematics of the nature, which he had built himself, while the absence of knowledge continues to create various environmental problems all around the planet. Why? Does this sound like the Master Plan at work from an almighty being? “
I don’t know of ONE pagan god, scientist, person, animal or deity, besides the Acid King of Dunbar (see my other articles on THAT person), who knows the schematics of nature. So are you making yourself a God, then? Fuck, that spits in the eye of the First Commandment, but since you cunt-hairs believe in nothing but mocking the rituals that people hold dear to their hearts, it should bother you none.
“Instead of worshiping a God, try to find some rituals and worship the very reverse of the God approach – “Satan” – yourself.”
Ok, but if you are just a glorified and arrogant version of an atheist, why do you feel the need to worship anything, period? Why do you call yourselves Satanists? TELL ME, DAMN IT! A Satanist NEVER will tell you, though - they just sigh and say you are ignorant.
“Call upon Satan and ask for anything you need. See, no evil possessions, no deaths from a divine bolt from the Heavens - nothing bad happens to you. You can wear the “mask of the beast” and still remain the same respectable and balanced person you were before.”
This is just my humble opinion, of course, but I don’t think the balanced person is the one wearing a "mask of the beast" and performing mock rituals.
“So? Get yourself some rituals and stop praying and sacrificing your soul to some elusive Savior God. Then, there’s no obstacle to your own success. After some time of practicing this, a person would probably come to understand that Satanic rituals are useless when handled like a ceremony of traditional faith…”
IF IT IS USELESS, WHY FUCKING DO IT?
“… because actually they are just a way, a forum, to expose your feelings in front of your spirit and liberate yourself from being smacked down by any false guilt. That’s the way of the balanced self-fulfilling atheist Satanist - and that’s all.”
Ok, so a Satanist is an atheist, but an atheist that believes in a spirit.... that does not make any sense to me, because I thought an atheist believed in nothing, but whatever. I prefer beer, but that’s just me. Maybe some moonshine for good measure.
But that is not all, folks; there is ANOTHER type of Satanist, the Traditional Satanist, one that DOES believe in a God.
“Yahweh is an entity, deprived by his own mistakes, who’s unable to create the “new heavenly Zion” without sacrificing numerous human lives and slaughtering the Earth.”
So these Satanists are Gnostics then? Why not just call themselves such? OH SHIT, I figured it out! Gnostics are not as spooky and scary to people. Being labeled a Gnostic wont make you a social pariah. “Gnostic” won’t scare grandma and piss dad off. Gnostic takes some thought, and you have to know what a Gnostic IS. (It’s a pre-Christian pagan belief system, looking for the End of Days as some sort of highly personal spiritual redemption.)
From what I know about Howard LaVey, or Szandor the Magnificent, he was just some dude who liked Ayn Rand too much. I guess he had it out for Christians too - why else would he butcher an atheistically based philosophy, give it the name of God’s nemesis, and have mock rituals just to prove that God wont do anything? To me, that is a sign of an empty life, but he made his cash, I guess.
Satanism just makes ZERO sense to me, in EITHER form. From what I gathered, the traditionalist Satanists are Gnostics, but don’t call themselves such, because it is not scary to dad. Modern Satanists are atheist losers who say they believe in nothing (“The Big Lebowski” comes to mind... WATCH IT!), but hate the IDEA of Christianity so much that they feel the need to mock it - although it has done more good than harm throughout history. I don’t see Satanists helping lepers, feeding the poor, sheltering the homeless, opening hospitals, or doing anything else even remotely productive.
But Carman, what about Marilyn Manson? He’s productive, right? First off, he does nothing, he is a shock rocker and a rip-off of Blackie Lawless, Alice Cooper, and King Diamond.
But Carman, what about King Diamond? Shut up! He falls into what I am talking about, too. Satanism is just a fake pop-religion for kids to feel spooky and important about their jaded outlooks on life. Just look at the cardinal sin, ALSO from that site I am not linking to:
1. Stupidity—The top of the list for Satanic Sins. The Cardinal Sin of Satanism. It’s too bad that stupidity isn’t painful. Ignorance is one thing, but our society thrives increasingly on stupidity. It depends on people going along with whatever they are told.
Stop right there, I want you readers to think about this for a bit. If Satanism is a religion, and all religions are people just doing what they are told to do, wouldn’t that make the Satanists exactly what they hate? Fuck it. I guess I am a Satanist by default, because I think Satanists are fucking stupid sheeple, unable to see through the MOUNTAINS of bullshit that is their convoluted belief system. I don’t even want to call it a philosophy, because it is NOT even that fucking original.
I will probably now get cried at that I am an ignorant redneck Christian with a closed mind. Or that I am frightened by what Satanism truly represents. I think that I already explained what it represents, and my opinion of it. Satanism does not rock the foundation of my faith at ALL. I am not that weak-willed. Ignorance and illogic is what bothers me, and people hanging onto it like it was going out of style.
That is all for right now. So excuse me as I pirate “Formulas Fatal to the Flesh” by Morbid Angel, while fighting off hoards of Satanists bent on destroying me.
